It's all in the planning

They say life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. Well, my whole existence right now is planning. When I'm at work, I plan. When I'm living outside of work, I plan.

So for what you may ask? Well, at work, I am planning for July's desk schedule and a branch birthday party. It should be good when it happens. There will be activities and clowns, face painting, a fire truck and murder mystery. There will also be polynesian dancing. Totally fun but not right now in the midst of planning for a big event for which I have no idea of how many will be there.

I also don't know how many will be there for the big day for me for which I am planning. I can't even tell anyone when. Money is now saved but we ran into the issue of passport. I have one. B doesn't and it would be a major major horrible downer if I had to go on my honeymoon alone.

B's mom was here last weekend. It was the first chance I've gotten to meet anyone from his family. I was very nervous before she came. I liked her. She is very sweetie and can talk about everything under the sun. She did a lot of laughing with my family too. It felt a bit like a job interview. She wanted to know how I knew B was the one for me and she asked him a similiar question. I forgot to tell her about how he is only one I have talked how we will be when we're 90 or how I can see it in my head. I did spend more time in my bedroom some nights with the door closed but I wanted to make sure that B and mom had enough time together. He hasn't seen her since last year. We did all sorts of things like headed down to Orlando to see the Arabian Nights dinner theatre and out to St. Augustine to visit Ripley's.

But as lovely as it was for her to come, it was just as lovely when she left. I love having B to myself. It is almost as nice as having me to myself : P

I still have not heard anything about the position closer to home. Right now I spend at least one hour or so in the car just traveling to and from work. By the end of the week I have spent more than half a work day in the car.

Good night and drive safe : P

Once again...

Every day I try to be better. I felt like here was just showing one side of me somewhat. I very rarely wrote the completely honest stuff here. So there is another me blog out there in cyberspace. But where as this got the weird quirky cute stuff I thought, the other got the angry crazy weird stuff I thought. Now I have what feels like very little time for one blog much less two so I decided why two... why not just one.

Every now and again I want to have a pity party for one. Just a release of everything I feel bad about. It is not the kind of thing I want a shoulder to cry on. It's more of a lean on myself moment. I had one last night. We were in Target looking for cards just before this. And it hit me that this would be the first time I wouldn't be trying to find a funny card or ecard to send to my grandfather. It was a stray throught that just hit me.

And then it got me thinking about my own dad. He has prostrate cancer. He is taking the wait and see attitude. I think he is mainly concerned about how it will affect his relationship with my mom. Next to Christ, she is the main focus of his world. P. says she respect his decision about treatment. I wobble on the idea of respecting and worrying. I love my father and I want him around for as long as possible. I love his sense of humor and his deeply set beliefs. I love his quirkiness and his love for my mom. I love his questing and curiousity. I love his commitment to learning and his caring for people. I love how he made childhood fun and the way he made me so very special. And even though he speaks of how dirt poor we were, I didn't feel it. I know he and Mom worked really hard to provide for us.

In the midst of all this thinking and hunting of cards, I also picked up one for my brother. This is his first father's day. He is the proud father of a teenager. And since his wife and daughter still speak to him, he must be doing a good job. All that I have seen in the times when I have hung out with them speak to that fact.

And yes, all of this went through my head either while looking for cards or on the way out the door to hunt pipecleaners. Which apparently should be added to the endangered list.

So I sat in my car for a second just pondering these facts and crying last night. But laughing too. I am nothing if not a contradiction. It didn't help that I was having a very exhausting week and a very badly bruise and hurting at that time foot. Which is a whole other story.

But not a long one though. It is all J's fault. If she hadn't brought me that dining room table, I won't have been cleaning off the old one and putting pictures up above my kitchen cabinets. I won't have then been standing on the old chair which won't have broken. And I wouldn't have landed squarely on my big left toe. It's not broken but I have had to stay off of it (mostly ; ) I kind of overdid it last night and hence the hurting at this time comment.

Thus here I am. One bruised foot but feeling better for the emotional release. Go with peace to love and serve the Lord. Thanks be to God.

Good night and peace be with you....