For a quiet girl I can make the silence loud

I drove quietly home today. I had yelled at B and gotten so mad that I couldn't talk to him. When we got home, I took in the tea and he took in the chicken dinner we had gotten. I put the tea down and went upstairs to the bedroom and shut the door.

I was mad. We had just been visiting J. I had been a bit confusing to him and I was trying to explain why I did what I did. He said that J. hadn't wanted visitors. I said I thought she would rather have someone visit to take her mind off the pain.

I felt like he was reading my sister better than I was. I felt stupid and thought he was accusing me of causing her pain.

He was trying to explain and I told him to shut up.

We don't fight often. And so much of it is me reading into what he is saying. For a reading whiz, I so read him wrong. Partly it is a release. I am stressed about things and I redirect that stress at him to let go of it.

Partly it is I am used to being held at arm's length with things being hidden in my relationships. I am not used to an honest guy. I mean I've had two relationships end by the guy moving away and never talking again to me. That'll do something to a girl.

We talked again after I got up. We kissed and made up. I will always love him even if we fight. I'd rather fight with him then live without him.

Good night and return to your corners....

A little Lupine

So from a feline post to a lupine today. My doc visit went just fine. They don't have a clear picture on the thyroid. So they took more blood to do some more tests.

The reason I am lupine is I have Wolffe-Parkinson-White syndrome. It is something I was born with and it basically means occassionally my electrical system in my heart causes it to beat fast for no reason. The doc is scheduling me to see a special cardiologist which deals with the electrical system of the heart. It isn't fatal and can be treated with with a beta blocker or a nonevasive surgery. I'll know more after my cardiologist visit.

Oh and I medalled today. We had our staff day and I was in two events. The Database Scavenger Hunt and the Brain Bowl. I got gold for both : )

Good day and the beat goes on....

I love kids but....

We went to the Irish Festival today. We had wandered here and there enjoying Irish food, dance and music. To top off the day, I decided to get my face painted. Just some harmless fun... But....we were waiting in the long line of mostly kids and a sparse population of others (teens and adults). It was almost my turn and I had been impressed with the artist. She was doing a great job. All of us were quite excited when it was our turn.

When it was my turn, I got skipped. I got skipped by this kindergardener named Caleb. He had been getting more and more excited, turning around several times to tell his mom that he was getting the Dark Knight face painting. He had been standing right beside me and so when the kid left out the chair in front of me, he hopped right up no hestitation.

And I had to be the mean adult. I had to tell Caleb it wasn't his turn. Then I had to close my eyes to get my face done and listen to Caleb's mom behind me tell him it wasn't wrong and that he would have a turn in a second. But I loved my face painting and I had waited my turn.

I so often give in to kids. In my work as a children's librarian, I get nervous and tired and cranky. But for kids, I put it aside to give them a great storytime. I put a lot of work into crafts that may see 2 or 3 kids show up for. I spend time being a tutor or game player or an adult that just listens.

It was just this time I didn't. I stood up for what I wanted.

Good day and quid pro quo kids!

How am I?

The doctor wanted my blood tested again for the thyroid. We have much to talk about me doc and I. I see her again on Tuesday and I have one more question for her. I am so tired all the time now. I usually nap at least once during the day. And I used to wake up feeling refreshed. Now I just wake up tired.

On another note, we got a Wii. B and I have really been enjoying playing together. The one I think we both like best is the tennis. And it is very much a workout. LOL I almost took out the fan cord though. And I have begun packing and cleaning out. Our lease isn't up until June but I wanted enough time to clean out stuff.

I am really looking forward to moving. The new place seems great. And I have so missed natural light. That was one major drawback to a townhouse.

Good day and let the light shine in.

The wonders of Technology

So yesterday, with much nervousness, I headed off to get my portable heart monitor. I had to go to the local hospital for this Holder monitor. It basically is these electrodes that are placed around my chest and they are attached to a recorder.

LOL The recorder is basically a walkman. Or at least it looks a lot like one. And not even a CD walkman. No, it is a cassette tape. I wondered where they all went. Well, it looks like they went to the hospital. I wonder if I could borrow one to make an eighties mix tape : P

So after getting the darn thing on and after trying to be so careful with it, I went in this morning to get the tape and battery replaced. Wouldn't you know it.... the tape had gotten caught up on one of the knobs and it had only recorded maybe as much as me leaving the office and out to my car. Barely 10 minutes. Not exactly the 24 hours that they had wanted.

So now I have a new machine and I have to keep this machine on until Thursday. Ugh! The worst is it itches just slightly. Not enough that I scratch but enough that it makes me want to...

But I did still feel like a fast heartbeat on Saturday and Sunday and my blood pressure did go up so I will keep the evil itchy machine on.

Good day and the beat goes on....