Monday, October 02, 2006

Star of the Silent Pictures

I would have made a wonderful actress of the silent pictures. Everything shows on my face. I can not play poker to save my life. Another plus in this role is that I can cry. It is a defense mechanism of mine that I have worked on controlling but not completely. It is a reactionary thing normally. I hate that I can do it so easily.

With everything going on, I was a bit worried about J for most of the day. I knew she was going to pick up her stuff which would be hard enough. But I was also worried about her safety. With all that I have heard from her, I wondered if she would be able to make it safely through the day. I've seen P mentally attack her and also the bruises from when she physically attacked her. But thankfully she got her things and got out of the house safely.

I have decided that I can not judge either of them. I just mainly hate that they are both in such pain. It falls under that whole those without sin casting the first stone in my book. I mainly want to be there for her as much as I can. No one deserves to be deliberately harmed by anyone else. I have been lucky that that hasn't happened in my relationships.

I will be taking tomorrow off. I have decided that a mental health day is in order. It has been a stressful weekend. In order to be there for my friends and family, I need to first be there for me. B. was really wonderful this weekend. Especially considering he was dealing with himself. I thought to myself this morning that because of him, I feel like a completed jigsaw puzzle. Weird analogy but very fitting.

Good night and of course I am special... I have the sticker saying so....

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